Body Image: Revisited

First of all, thanks for the response. My readers have wise words. Some of those words, I was going to share with you (other thoughts are new). So, if you read the comment from my last post, I hope this isn't redundant.

Second, like I said in my last post: I don't want to sound preachy. If you have different parenting philosophies, share them. Also, remember that I've only been a parent for a year. That hardly makes me an expert.

Third, most of these ideas won't make much of a difference to my 1 year old, but if I think about these things long before she gets into jr. high we hopefully won't have a dilemma on our hands.

So, without further adieu, here are a few of the ideas I've come up with and read about giving my daughter a healthy body image.

1) Lead by example. If I spend a lot of time in front of a mirror every day or talk a lot about how I wish I had the same body I had before Miss Fifi was thought of, what would that say to my daughter? It might give her the impression that looks are pretty important. If I spend a lot of time telling my daughter how pretty she is and very little time talking to her about things that she has learned. She might possibly think that what she looks like is more important than her knowledge. Instead, live what you want to teach your children. If you don't want your daughter to hate her rear-end, don't be self-conscious about yours. If you want your daughter to love learning, love learning yourself, for example.

2) Focus on health. Instead of counting calories, talk about what healthy food does for our bodies. Get in the habit now to eat healthier meals. This is difficult, but over the last couple years, Rory and I have slowly changed some of our behaviors. (In full disclosure: we've got a long way to go.) If my daughter understands why eating good food is necessary, hopefully she will have a healthy relationship with food. (i.e. Not look to it for comfort or even see it as an obstacle.)

3) Compliment them on their behavior, intellect, and accomplishments more than their looks. This is one thing I learned (and whole-heartedly believe) from my mother's example. A few years ago my sister pointed out that my mom didn't often compliment us on our looks. Instead, she made sure to compliment us on how smart we were or our talents or when we were kind. When asked about that, my mother said something along the lines of: "Well, I always knew my babies were the cutest but I didn't think they needed to know that." This is one thing that really helped me. I feel that I got enough of a sense of the importance -in the world's view- of looking beautiful outside of the home. I am so grateful that it wasn't reinforced at home.

In Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein (referenced in my last post) she talked to Catherine Steiner-Adair, the director of eating disorders education and prevention at the Klarman Eating Distorders Center at McLean Hospital in Massachusetts, about this. Catherine said, "Well, 'You're beautiful' is not something you want to say over and over to your daughter, because it's not something that you want her to think is so important. That said, there are times when it is important to say it: when she's messy or sweaty, when she's not dressed up, so that she gets a sense that there is something naturally beautiful about her as a person. And it's also important to connect beauty and love. To say, 'I love you so much. Everything about you is beautiful to me--you are beautiful to me.' " I thought this was interesting.

Orenstein also wrote about doing research for a previous book by interviewing eighth grade girls. She said that she noticed that she would greet them by "commenting on some aspect of their appearance: their earrings, a new shirt, their hairstyles." She decided to stop. She would ask them "how a play rehearsal was going or what they were reading in English class." She said, "It felt surprisingly forced: physical compliments grease the conversational wheels among women and girls." I decided to do this myself, asking my niece about the sports she is involved in and my five year old primary girls about school. I have to admit, it is more difficult. I'm sure I'm not making some profound difference in these girls' lives, but for my own benefit, I want to get into this habit.

As Cali mentioned, as long as we are aware and conscious of these things, Rory and I will probably not have to be overly concerned and obsess about these issues. But I feel that the earlier we have this discussion, the less complicated things will have to be.

Your thoughts?

I'll try not to make my posts so long-winded in the future. Thanks for sticking with me on the last few posts.

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What I'm Listening To:

Artist: The Black Keys

Album: Attack & Release

I'm not sure if I've talked about the Black Keys before, but they are worth repeating if I did. (I should start keeping a list of what albums I talk about.)

Attack & Release made it's debut in 2008. My favorite song is probably I Got Mine which was number 23 on Rolling Stone's list of 100 Best Songs of 2008. The whole album is worth listening to.

The Black Keys are releasing their seventh studio album on December 6th called El Camino. (This would be an awesome Christmas gift. hint, hint) Their first officially release single is Lonely Boy. Listen to it. You won't regret it. I'm looking forward to what this album has to offer.