Body Image: The Hopes and Fears of a New Mother

I've started this post several times because I have so many thoughts on the subject. This might end up being several posts. Who knows? Also, I don't want to come off as preachy. I merely want to start a discussion.

First off, I count myself lucky. I have a wonderful family who loves, values, and supports me. I'm not talking about what I look like, but what I do and who I am as a person. Me.

My mother, through her words and actions let me know what was important in life. Both of my parents supported me when I was little and wanted to be an ice skater, an animator, a photographer, a guitar-playing singer/songwriter, etc. Through every thing they did (and still do), they let me know that what I do and who I am is much more important than what I look like. I needed that, growing up. Every girl needs to know that. Now that I'm a mother, I'm realizing how important those priorities are more and more.

While browsing Pinterest recently, I came across a certain pin several times. The photo was of a woman in a bikini with a long list of tips on losing weight. I didn't bother reading it until the twentieth time I saw it. These were NOT healthy tips, physically or mentally. There were 59 of them. Among them were: "Take a picture of yourself in a bathing suit... Look at it when you want to eat" and "When you get hunger pains curl into a ball, it makes them go away." It wasn't until tip number 27 that it said: "Join a pro-ana group or start your own website." They go on to share ideas on how to hide one's anorexia from their parents and friends. They get so much more disturbing that I won't share them. When I read these I wanted to cry. Why would someone put this much effort into fitting a cookie-cutter image? Why on earth were so many people pinning it? How can I raise a daughter in a world where how someone looks is so important that some are willing to go to such extreme measures?

If whoever it was that came up with the list of those 59 tips were to put half of that energy into something productive -like service, learning, making friends (for goodness-sake)- think of how much happier she could be. I feel bad for her. Seriously.

I recently read Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein. (A very thought-provoking book, btw.) In it she references a comparison that Joan Jacobs Brumberg makes in her book The Body Project (This might be the next book I read.) of New Year's resolutions of girls at the end of the 19th and 20th centuries. They are:

"Resolved: to think before speaking. To work seriously. To be self-restrained in conversations and actions. Not to let my thoughts wander. To be dignified. Interest myself more in others."

and,

"I will try to make myself better in any way I possibly can... I will try to lose weight, get new lenses, already got a new haircut, good makeup, new clothes and accessories."

It shouldn't be difficult to figure out when each statement was written. One is about becoming a better, more polite person by looking outward. The other -while it isn't destructive like the anorexia tips- is strictly about appearance. Why has society become so absorbed in appearance? As women, we have so many more opportunities than women had in the 19th century. Why have we become so much more shallow?

As her mother, I have so many hopes for my daughter's future. I want her to know that she can accomplish anything. I want her to love learning and reading. But, more importantly than those: I want her to have a healthy sense of self-worth. I want her to know that she is loved and valued for who she is, not what she looks like. I want her to be proud of her accomplishments, not what number a scale spits out. I want her to value actions over her dress size. How did my parents do it?

I'm going to end there. I'll probably share with you what I've come up with, so far, on the matter at a later time because I want to hear from you. How can I prevent my daughter from basing her sense of self-worth on the image she sees in the mirror?

Pouf 2.0

I made another pouf. I love how it turned out. The yarn I used is so much softer than the yarn I used for the first. I love it.

I made this one for my friend. She picked the colors and I love how they look together. Good call, Shelly. Very bright and happy, just like her.

I also made it slightly smaller so that it is a little more firm and holds it's shape a little more.

One of my improvements is that I made it without a seam going up the middle. I think it looks a lot nicer this way.

I'll probably be making a couple more of these in the future, so stay tuned.

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What I'm listening to:

Artist: Robbie Connolly

Robbie is the guitarist for the sweet local band; Fictionist. His wife is an artist and blogger. (via Hue and Hum) I've been following her blog for a few months now. She posted a couple links to videos of his solo work. It is quite bluesy and cool. My favorite song is probably "I'd rather be alone." I recommend that you check it out.

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Thoughts

I don't usually share my political views on the internet, but I'm becoming more bothered by the polarization of politics. Here are my thoughts:

As many know, quite a bit of the news media is bias or slanted. (I've read a couple of great books about this topic. First, The Culture of Fear by Barry Glassner. Second, Bias by Bernard Goldberg. I recommend both.) I'm constantly amazed by how often I find it and how little some people I talk to seem to mind. For several years I've gotten into the habit of getting my news from several sources to make sure I get the big picture before forming my own opinions. I don't claim to be well informed necessarily but when I do form an opinion, you can guess that I've done a bit of research.

I'm getting particularly annoyed by generalizations of the protestors taking part in Occupy Wall Street. I won't share my view of the actual movement, but I'm sick of all the bashing that is happening on both sides of the issues raised. The people in Zucotti park are getting more angry as well as those opposing them. Because of all the negativity going around, has any real progress been made?

In this opinion piece in the Wall Street Journal, Doug Schoen talks about a poll he conducted October 10th and 11th in Zuccotti Park. He contradicts his own survey of the protestors by concluding that; "What binds a large majority of the protesters together—regardless of age, socioeconomic status or education—is a deep commitment to left-wing policies: opposition to free-market capitalism and support for radical redistribution of wealth..." For one who conducted a poll such this, one might assume that he has a clear view of who the protestors are, making this statement sound like it might be legitimate. But, that isn't what the numbers say.

When I took a look at the actual poll, I found a different story. When asked "What frustrates you most about the political process in the United States?" Only 3% mentioned the "democratic/capitalist system." The largest portion of respondents (30%) said "Influence of corporate/moneyed/special interests." Not quite so outlandish, right? The part about "radical redistribution of wealth" also sounds pretty extreme, until you read the actual poll and find that when asked; "What would you like to see the Occupy Wall Street movement achieve?" a meager 4% said "Radical redistribution of wealth." The kicker: this was the only time any kind of redistribution of wealth was mentioned in the 5 page survey. I'd say four percent hardly "binds a large majority" of them.

Granted, Schoen's piece in the Wall Street Journal was presented as an opinion, but one might think that someone who cares enough about facts and numbers to conduct surveys of this sort would just let the facts speak for themselves. But no, he feels the need to draw conclusions that negates his own poll.

This is the kind of slant on facts -which is all over news outlets, and not just in the opinion pages- has reinforced my opinion that I can't depend on any one source of information when it comes to my own political views. If you think about it, how can we expect America to progress when we can't even agree upon the facts?

A copy of the entire Douglas Schoen poll is here.

So please, before you vote tomorrow, do your research. Make sure you have all the facts.

Late October Stuff

Get ready for some super flattering photos of me.

Last week was pretty eventful. Among other things that happened we all got sick, which put a damper on our Halloween festivities. Miss Fifi was the first to get sick and honestly, if I had gotten sick first, I probably would have had more sympathy for her. Poor thing. She acted like her normal self -aside from the runny nose and cough- for the first couple days. When I got it, there was a sore throat and all around grossness in the mix.

About three days in, though, Miss Fifi's breathing wasn't sounding right. She was wheezing and working a little harder for her breath. Rory had asthma when he was a baby, so we thought it would be best to take her in for a doctor's appointment that afternoon. When we were heading out the door, we could see her stomach contract with each breath. It was so sad. They did a nebulizer treatment which helped. (Despite the fact that she screamed and wiggled like a bag of eels the whole time. How long are those treatments, anyway? 'Cause it felt like it took an hour.) Anyway, the doctor wrote a prescription for Albuterol MDI. It's basically and inhaler with an attachment that goes over her mouth and nose. It only takes a few seconds, so it's much easier to make her hold still for it. She's gotten better since those treatments. The poor girl still has had some coughing fits, but she is doing better. Anyone else had babies with asthma? Any tips for a newbie parent would be welcome.

Anywho, on to the rest of the post: We went to a pumpkin patch to get some pumpkins a week ago. I'd never been and thought it would be fun. I think it's going to be a new tradition.

Miss Fifi had fun.

Our friends throw a fun Halloween party every year and as per tradition Rory and I threw together our costumes no earlier than three hours before. Let's take a stroll down memory lane to remember our other half-hearted efforts at costumes, shall we?

Halloween 2008: Sarah Palin and Jemaine Clement (See what I mean about flattering?)

Halloween 2009: Pumpkin (borrowed from his childhood) and scrounge up old dance costumes and see what you get (Don't worry, it's a thing.)

Halloween 2010: Rory (Not Pictured)I don't even know what he was but involved sparkly armbands and a welding mask. I (again, not pictured) was "pregnant" (This was three weeks after I gave birth... I thought it was funny.) Miss Fifi was a ballerina. (If only she could get her parent to be as on top of things...)

Halloween 2011: "Lame" (he came up with it himself), Raphael, and a Japanese girl.

And... what good is a ninja without any cool poses?

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What I'm listening to:

Artist: Damien Rice

Album: O

This album has a lot of meaning for me. Besides being the kind of album that I could listen to every day for a month and still want to hit repeat, this album was the topic of discussion on my first date with Rory. In fact, we listened to a lot of Damien Rice for the first couple months we were dating.

Beautifully written. Beautifully produced. Check it out.

Miss Fifi is Big in Japan

This post has the potential for being very long. You'll get over it.

Miss Fifi's birthday party was last week and I promised that I'd do a party post. As for the theme, I figured that adults would outnumber kids at this party, so I thought that I might as well make it fun for me to plan. I also just wanted to have an excuse to make fun rice crispy treat sushi. I settled on Big in Japan. Many people asked me about what it means. According to Wikipedia it is, "a phrase to describe Western celebrities failed in the Western world, but more successful in Japan." Funny, right? Just go with it.

If you follow my boards on Pintrest, you may have seen a number of photos that inspired this party. I worked within a budget and pinterest is a great resource for cost saving ideas.

So imagine that the stack of mini chairs and the chalk board aren't in the back ground and it's at a park on a warm fall day. That's what I had in mind when I planned this but you've got to roll with the punches sometimes.

We had fortune cookies I found in bulk at Winco for $.06 each. I dipped them in chocolate a couple days before. They were yummy.

White cake pops dipped in milk chocolate, topped with coconut. I made them with my trusty cake pop maker I got a few months ago. It's a time saver. I recommend getting one if you are in the habit of making cake pops.

"Swedish Nigiri" Rice crispy treats topped with swedish fish and wrapped in green apple fruit roll up.

Wontons filled with cream cheese. Rory also made his famous Thai dipping sauce. I'll try to post that recipe soon.

"Twinkie Roll" Twinkies cut and topped with cut gummy bears.

"Zinger Roll" Zinger's cut and topped with gummy bears.

Funfetti Cake with cream cheese frosting. 'Cause that's how we roll.

We also served Miso Soup, Samurai peanut mix (a Winco find), and the "Miss Fifi Roll."

The Miss Fifi Roll didn't photograph well. It was mango, strawberries, and kiwi with rice cooked in coconut milk and wrapped in a chocolate dough. To save myself from stress I made it the week before and froze it. If I could do it again, I'd make it fresh. Recipe is here. I cut back on the salt in the chocolate dough, and if I made this again, I'd also cut back quite a bit on the sugar. It was awfully sweet.

My tips for saving money while planning a party:

-Spend money on things you can reuse. The cake plater that Miss Fifi's cake was on is a great example because I will always be able to use it. If I bought a green and yellow one to match the theme, I'd be very limited on how I'd be able to use it in the future.

-Plan far in advance. Some people thought I was crazy to start talking about her party in august. Starting that early gave me time to brainstorm and think outside the box. I had time to shop around and not feel pressure to buy because I knew I had time on my side if the price wasn't right. I also had time to make things that I wouldn't have time for if I'd started two weeks before.

-Shop around. I ended up buying much of the food in Winco's bulk section. (If you've never been there, I implore you to go. I've had bad luck with their produce, but their bulk section is marvelous.)

-Make your own food. You might think this would add more stress in the end and might not be worth it, but I was able to spread out what I needed to make over a few days. It turned out to be pretty easy. (The cake I made three weeks before, I wrapped it up really well and froze it. I pulled it out of the freezer the day before and it was just as moist as the day I made it.)

-Borrow. I borrowed the tablecloths, a drink dispenser, a cake pan and the platter that the big cake was on.

-Repurpose. The bamboo that was on the table was actually meant to be a blind. I found it at Big Lots on clearance. It was the exact length of the table, so I used it as a table runner. It added a lot to the over-all affect, yet it only cost me $3.

-Craft. The serving platter the little cake was on I made myself using thrifted plates, dollar store candle stick holder, and some epoxy. Here is the tutorial. It cost me a whopping total of $6.75. I also spent $4 on cardstock and had my sister show me how to fold paper cranes. (*I don't recommend using cardstock for origami. You live, you learn.) I also made the "lanterns" for decorating the cakes. They cost me about $3 to make.

(Craft cont.) With the help of my mom, I also made Miss Fifi's Kimono. I found fabric on sale at Jo-Ann fabrics. It actually inspired the color scheme, too. Cost $10. I plan on using this for her Halloween costume too. Two birds. One stone. Holla! (I'm sorry, I'll never use that word again.)

Another photo of Miss Fifi just for kicks:

The budget was about $80. I went over by a few dollars, but I think it was worth it.

Food: $28

Serving plates: $16

Paper goods: $15

Decor: $15

Fabric: $10

Invites: $2

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GRAND TOTAL $86

I think $86 dollars isn't too shabby for a fun party. Am I right?

If there is anything else you'd like to know about Miss Fifi's party or any other ideas on saving money on parties, let me know.